Give it a week...someone is bound to get hurt

I have been thinking a lot today about church. The church is supposed to be the temple of the Lord-a place that ignites community, vulnerability, honesty- reality. Church should be the most raw places of places. ANd often it is. Many times the rawness isn't pretty at all. People get hurt, angry, pissed, bitter, frustrated AND Lord willing, people also get redeemed, loved well, restored, encouraged, and fed. But we are humans. And the church is made up of humans. And humans fail. A LOT.

It makes me incredibly sad when people that I know and love get hurt by the church. The hardest part is that when you join a church you become a part of it. If you leave it, you often leave broken. I know the Lord is faithful but it is so hard to know that there are times that I have hurt people and put the Lords name on it. The Lord does not speak truth harshly, he does not condemn, he does not shame, he does not guilt trip. I have spoken truth all too harshly, I have condemned, I have shamed, and I have guilt tripped people. .. And in the name of the Lord. God forgive me for writing your name on things that have nothing to do with you.

I believe in a God that can redeem even the worst screw ups. I fully believe that God can handle all of the mistakes I have made. I trust that peoples hearts will not be crushed because I didn't handle myself in the best way. I have faith that those that have felt attacked or betrayed by their family-their church can and will be redeemed. I'm claiming it. Amen.

I like to think of myself as a wild flower...

(photo cred. to some cool blog that I can't remember the name of)

I'm graduating in a few weeks. This season has been filled with a whole lot of fun...not a whole lot of time for reflection. But regardless....

I'm learning a lot about myself...about my flaws...I'm kind of like my front yard-which is full of broken glass (the previous renters apparently loved breaking beer bottles all over the yard). I spend hours picking it all up and then it rains....and a whole new set of broken glass surfaces. I'm finding that I am much like the yard...I put lots of effort into cleaning myself up, working through my baggage and just as soon as I think I'm making progress the rain comes and up comes a whole new list of areas that need work. Thank you God for being patient :)

May 14th is in 23 days. I have no idea what I'm doing.

But what I do know is that there are leaves growing on the trees.

AND

I am successfully keeping three flower boxes of marigolds alive...so surely I can hold down a job right?

There isn't much measure to my madness....I'm just learning to live.

Everyday brings new adventures, new frustrations, new mistakes, new amends.

Did I mention that I love people. Sometimes I feel like the Lord gives me a sneak view of how he see's people. I have this uncanny love for strangers and skitzo's, my neighborhood, my city, and crack heads. Trust me...it's totally unnatural. Not me at all....it's the Lord.

I don't know what my "job" will end up being. I am in the process of applying for 3. But I know that my purpose is to love well- whether that means loving the earth, loving my neighbors, my housemates, my family, my friends, my co-workers, the homeless, the downtrodden, the business owners etc.