I have a lot of growing up to do.
I have made many many mistakes...
and learned from most of them. SO maybe they weren't necessarily mistakes.. just, taking the long way around.
I think it is the most frustrating thing in the world to come to a place you have been before and know that you didn't handle it any differently than you did the first time.
I think it takes me a few times to get things right.
I feel foolish, I feel unwise... but mostly I just feel very young.
Having free will is both a blessing and a curse.
The decisions I make today affect others, not just myself.
Even down to the shirt I wear...every tiny thing that seems meaningless has some sort of effect on someone else.
It is so much easier for me to trust the Lord when emotions aren't blinding me.
I recognize more everyday how fallen the human race is.. how fallen and broken and prone to messing up I am.
I can not WAIT to be complete.
Sometimes I feel like I am the most fickle person that has ever existed.
I think I am just really good at deceiving myself. I can seriously convince myself that I feel things. I don't understand it, and I really don't like it.
Why am I scared of how I really feel... well.. mostly because it usually causes problems. I am so passive when it comes to relationships.. so scared of hurting people that I end up hurting them more by lying to myself and dragging things out.
God help me to learn to confront my own feelings immediately when I have them. Help me to learn that burrying them only makes things worse. God I feel like I constantly come to you and ask you to clean up my messes and I trust that you can fix anything. You can repair anything that I damage. But God please, PLEASE, teach me how to walk in a way that addresses things as I go, so that damage repair won't be necessary.
11.30.2008
11.21.2008
A piece of advice from each year of my life
1. Write down everything because memories begin to fail at an early age.
2. Youth isn't an age, its a mindset. Never grow up.
3. Read anything and everything you can get your hands on. Books contain a never ending amount of foolishness and wisdom.
4. There will always be times that challenge you to your core. In hindsight, they have changed me in far better ways than the easy times have.
5. Music is inspiration. Learn to hear it in everything.
6. "Grown up things are over rated, don't be afraid walk around bare-foot, blow bubbles in your milk, have a food fights, wear tutu's over your clothes, and laugh at inappropriate times whenever you get the chance.
7. Realize that life is far too short to hold grudges over petty things.. actually, over anything.
8. You will always have less than someone else and more than others. Learn to love people more than things.
9. Develop an appreciation of who God made you to be, flaws and all. And most importantly, learn to evaluate yourself on a separate scale than everyone else. You were never intended to be compared.
10. Figure out how to rest amidst the chaos. Learn how to shape the world around you rather than let it shape you.
11. Never sit inside all day.
12. Make a list of things you want to do in your lifetime and do every single one. AND add something every time you accomplish one.
13. Recycle and pick up trash when you see it.
14. Take the time to make people things that they will keep forever.
15. Learn a foreign language.
16. Take naps outside.
17. Realize that faith filled prayer is the most powerful resource you have.
18. Learn to live by your own time, don't be a slave to the clock.
19. Go days without watching tv or using your cell phone.
20. Set aside your prejudices.
21. Stop focusing on rules and performance and learn to live in freedom.
1. Write down everything because memories begin to fail at an early age.
2. Youth isn't an age, its a mindset. Never grow up.
3. Read anything and everything you can get your hands on. Books contain a never ending amount of foolishness and wisdom.
4. There will always be times that challenge you to your core. In hindsight, they have changed me in far better ways than the easy times have.
5. Music is inspiration. Learn to hear it in everything.
6. "Grown up things are over rated, don't be afraid walk around bare-foot, blow bubbles in your milk, have a food fights, wear tutu's over your clothes, and laugh at inappropriate times whenever you get the chance.
7. Realize that life is far too short to hold grudges over petty things.. actually, over anything.
8. You will always have less than someone else and more than others. Learn to love people more than things.
9. Develop an appreciation of who God made you to be, flaws and all. And most importantly, learn to evaluate yourself on a separate scale than everyone else. You were never intended to be compared.
10. Figure out how to rest amidst the chaos. Learn how to shape the world around you rather than let it shape you.
11. Never sit inside all day.
12. Make a list of things you want to do in your lifetime and do every single one. AND add something every time you accomplish one.
13. Recycle and pick up trash when you see it.
14. Take the time to make people things that they will keep forever.
15. Learn a foreign language.
16. Take naps outside.
17. Realize that faith filled prayer is the most powerful resource you have.
18. Learn to live by your own time, don't be a slave to the clock.
19. Go days without watching tv or using your cell phone.
20. Set aside your prejudices.
21. Stop focusing on rules and performance and learn to live in freedom.
11.13.2008
11.04.2008
Let Me Be A Child
“Do You Have Any Advice For Those of Us Just Starting Out?"
Ron Koertge
Give up sitting dutifully at your desk. Leave
your house or apartment. Go out into the world.
It's all right to carry a notebook but a cheap
one is best, with pages the color of weak tea
and on the front a kitten or a space ship.
Avoid any enclosed space where more than
three people are wearing turtlenecks. Beware
any snow-covered chalet with deer tracks
across the muffled tennis courts.
Not surprisingly, libraries are a good place to write.
And the perfect place in a library is near an aisle
where a child a year or two old is playing as his
mother browses the ranks of the dead.
Often he will pull books from the bottom shelf.
The title, the author's name, the brooding photo
on the flap mean nothing. Red book on black, gray
book on brown, he builds a tower. And the higher
it gets, the wider he grins.
You who asked for advice, listen: When the tower
falls, be like that child. Laugh so loud everybody
in the world frowns and says, "Shhhh."
Then start again.
Ron Koertge
Give up sitting dutifully at your desk. Leave
your house or apartment. Go out into the world.
It's all right to carry a notebook but a cheap
one is best, with pages the color of weak tea
and on the front a kitten or a space ship.
Avoid any enclosed space where more than
three people are wearing turtlenecks. Beware
any snow-covered chalet with deer tracks
across the muffled tennis courts.
Not surprisingly, libraries are a good place to write.
And the perfect place in a library is near an aisle
where a child a year or two old is playing as his
mother browses the ranks of the dead.
Often he will pull books from the bottom shelf.
The title, the author's name, the brooding photo
on the flap mean nothing. Red book on black, gray
book on brown, he builds a tower. And the higher
it gets, the wider he grins.
You who asked for advice, listen: When the tower
falls, be like that child. Laugh so loud everybody
in the world frowns and says, "Shhhh."
Then start again.
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