dark though it is

Despite the shadow that follows the rain on days like today it seems inappropriate to turn lights on in the house.
Here is to dark days, rain, and prayer with friends on muggy screened-in porches.

"Listen
with the night falling we are saying thank you
we are stopping on the bridge to bow from the railings
we are running out of the glass rooms
with our mouths full of food to look at the sky
and say thank you
we are standing by the water looking out
in different directions

back from a series of hospitals back from a mugging
after funerals we are saying thank you
after the news of the dead
whether or not we knew them we are saying thank you
in a culture up to its chin in shame
living in the stench it has chosen we are saying thank you

over telephones we are saying thank you
in doorways and in the backs of cars and in elevators
remembering wars and the police at the back door
and the beatings on stairs we are saying thank you
in the banks that use us we are saying thank you
with the crooks in office with the rich and fashionable
unchanged we go on saying thank you thank you

with the animals dying around us
our lost feelings we are saying thank you
with the forests falling faster than the minutes
of our lives we are saying thank you
with the words going out like cells of a brain
with the cities growing over us like the earth
we are saying thank you faster and faster
with nobody listening we are saying thank you
we are saying thank you and waving
dark though it is"

[W.S. Merwin]

All in due time.

The past few months have in a nutshell been some of the hardest. I have dreamt big dreams, almost given up, been frustrated beyond belief, been unrelentlessly aware of my sin and depravity, and known the grace of God. Yesterday things finally came together and I was given the opportunity to do what I love with two organizations that I consider family. One is a Housing First Non Profit where I did my senior internship and research project and the other is my church. Beyond being ecstatic about the fact that my "almost" job is my passion, I have come to appreciate the process of this whole gig. If nothing else, this waiting period has shown me that this idea is the Lords and not my own and that dreams from the Lord are not swayed by time, rejection, or discouragement. On the nights when all I wanted to do was go find a normal job, I would go to sleep so spent and emotionally drained only to wake up with the overwhelming notion that I just couldn't let it go.

This week I have seen more than ever before that it is a privileged to love the homeless, not some quality of my own character. I do not see the homeless with my own eyes, but through the Lords- and today more than ever I realize that I am unworthy to serve even the "least of these".
It can be incredibly hard not to pat myself on the back for doing "social-worky" types of things...I mean when people are constantly telling me I'm such a good person and that I have such a good heart I start to give myself all kinds of undue credit.
The second I start to believe all the "do gooder" compliments I am ruined. (Friends-please take me off my high horse when I start to mount up again)

For those of you who have lived life with me these past few months, who have seen me at my best and often worst, who have seen me try to keep things together when I am falling apart, who have challenged me to be real and honest and to fight for what the Lord has instilled in me- Thank you. I appreciate your bearing with me through this more than you know and thank you for not being afraid to challenge me. Things are FINALLY coming into fruition and I couldn't be more excited about what is to come.