God-breathed but tarnished by human hands

I realized today that every book I have read this summer has made me cry.
Crying is such a strange thing.
It can happen when you are overwhelmed,
when you are deeply saddened,
when you are frustrated,
when you are completely happy,
and when you are really tired.

Most of the books I have read this summer have depicted a facet of love that I don't completely understand, but one that very readily evokes emotion in my heart. In the particular books I have read, the love has been one between friends, or between family (father and son) (sisters) etc. It didn't occur to me until just now that awhile back I asked God to show me how to love. In the books I read, the circumstances amplified the love between characters to a magnitude that is hard for me to fully comprehend. I am learning that seeing and observing love between others and receiving love from God is preparation for the love that I am learning to give. I am selfish to the core of my humanity but seeing and feeling selfless love is so humbling. It's that element of beauty amidst the filth and tragedy that is our man-made society; God-breathed but tarnished by human hands. God is good. I have faith that redemption is ever occurring- just give me eyes to see it.

It's time to start a new journal.



Last night a stranger told me that my dreams have been blessed.
That all I have to do is trust the Lord and take hold of the destiny he has prepared for me.
He said that whatever it is that I love and that I dream of doing...the Lord wants me to do.. He will make it happen.

I love that the Lord can use the most unlikely of people to speak.


Questions that Need to be Asked and Answered

(I hate to start with an apology but I will anyway...I have noticed lately that my blogging structure, grammar, and lay out is sooooo awful. I don't really care though, I just like having typed out memories even if they aren't A+ work.)

I called my lovely mom on the phone today just to catch up on life and she told me that she had had an interesting conversation with my dad.
She said that a few days ago she had really been re-evaluating her life and simplifying, cutting back and starting to really think about how she wants to spend the rest of her life. She came up with a "Bucket-List" of sorts... you know, things that she wants to do before she dies- a life list. My mom is only in her mid 50's so she fully expects to live for awhile longer but I guess you could call this her mid-life crisis. I think my favorite thing she said today was "I am not married to this house, this neighborhood, or this lifestyle". How true! Sometimes as humans we can convince ourselves unconsciously that things are unchangeable. Moving along...
I am super into challenging my parents to live outside of the box and to take risks and push boundaries and my mom is usually fairly open minded and excited about those things, it's my dad who struggles more with thinking "hypothetically".
I have had many conversations with my dad in which I have asked him what he loves to do, what he would do if he could do anything in the world, or what his dreams are...He always has such a hard time thinking beyond what he knows and what he has been doing for the past 30 years.
My dad is very good at what he does. Fortunately, he has loved his job for many many years but recently it has become much more of a chore and a burden. I think that happens for many people and somewhere along the line our brains tell us that we have to suck it up and live in a miserable job forever...DUhh duhhh duhhhhhh.
I whole heartedly disagree. I have felt and prayed for my dad's job for about 2 years now and I want so badly for him to take a step back and risk making changes.
My dad is very practical and I understand that bills must be paid, mouths must be fed etc. but there is something in me that absolutely knows he has more to live for. I want to see my dad live in productivity that not only pays bills but ignites life in him, that makes him rely more on the Lord, that rejuvenates his soul.

SO back to the original thought... my mom started asking my dad these questions the other day. She wanted to know what his dreams were.. what he wanted to do that he wasn't already doing, what he no longer wants to spend time doing. (I am starting to realize from second hand observation that it is easy to forget to ask those questions when you have been married for 25 years and things become routine. I am so thankful that my mom still asks those things) My dad was exhausted from a hard day at work and didn't give her much of an answer except to say... "Caroline always asks me that."
When I talked to mom today she told me that she was praying that he would come up with somethings to tell her this weekend.

My parents are having a date weekend because my sister is going out of town.. They are going hiking and to lunch on Saturday and I told her that she should take my dad to go see the movie "Up" that night... I feel like it would be a good seg-way back into that conversation.

I love my parents and I want to see them walk together and as individuals in abundant and fulfilling life in Christ.

I'm not going to lie.. I can't wait to hear his answers!
(I think that when he really takes time to think about it and talk about it he will realize that he can't put off those dreams anymore)


Hazy shades of summer

Beige plaster walls and a big green chair circa 1970 with wooden accents.
A water-filled Arizona Tea bottle rests on the coffee table stuffed lavishly with bright yellow wild flowers pulled from the side of the road somewhere in Townsend TN.
There is a pie in the oven.
My Wednesday afternoon has become an experiment.
I have learned today that my plans have little follow through and that
traffic and road rage have made monsters out of the kindest of people.


A contending for your eyes

Day 1 of your life on earth.
You are in a contending for your eyes.
If your eyes are good, your whole body is good.
What you look at is what you become.
Fight for your eyes.

Day 6,741...Your eyes are awakened to the living God.
Your eyes are opened.
Your spirit is opened.
You must unlearn the flaws of your past and learn to follow a guide.

Day 7,121 ...You are still in a contending for your eyes.
Today the word of God burns inside of you.
You are made to FEEL the word.
You must fight with your life to stay awake.
You are prone to falling asleep.

Day 7710... Pray for him to awaken you afresh.
You are here today ...may be gone tomorrow.
Put your focus on the age to come.
Leave a legacy,
leave more than money for your children.
Leave a spiritual heritage.
Give them a reality.
Sew into the age to come.

Day in the future... Run from the American dream and perfect life.
It is made to be imperfect to point us to the age to come.
See God.
Know God.
Pray for vision.
Release the spirit of Revelation.