Shadowfeet

I have a lot of growing up to do.
I have made many many mistakes...
and learned from most of them. SO maybe they weren't necessarily mistakes.. just, taking the long way around.
I think it is the most frustrating thing in the world to come to a place you have been before and know that you didn't handle it any differently than you did the first time.
I think it takes me a few times to get things right.
I feel foolish, I feel unwise... but mostly I just feel very young.
Having free will is both a blessing and a curse.
The decisions I make today affect others, not just myself.
Even down to the shirt I wear...every tiny thing that seems meaningless has some sort of effect on someone else.
It is so much easier for me to trust the Lord when emotions aren't blinding me.
I recognize more everyday how fallen the human race is.. how fallen and broken and prone to messing up I am.
I can not WAIT to be complete.
Sometimes I feel like I am the most fickle person that has ever existed.
I think I am just really good at deceiving myself. I can seriously convince myself that I feel things. I don't understand it, and I really don't like it.
Why am I scared of how I really feel... well.. mostly because it usually causes problems. I am so passive when it comes to relationships.. so scared of hurting people that I end up hurting them more by lying to myself and dragging things out.
God help me to learn to confront my own feelings immediately when I have them. Help me to learn that burrying them only makes things worse. God I feel like I constantly come to you and ask you to clean up my messes and I trust that you can fix anything. You can repair anything that I damage. But God please, PLEASE, teach me how to walk in a way that addresses things as I go, so that damage repair won't be necessary.