2.23.2010

Do not forget these things!


I heard this quote from Bobby Kennedy tonight and it's one of the most life giving and motivating things I have ever heard. (I know it's long, but it's totally worth reading if you haven't heard it before.)

"It is not the concern of any one race. The victims of the violence are black and white, rich and poor, young and old, famous and unknown. They are, most important of all, human beings whom other human beings loved and needed. No one - no matter where he lives or what he does - can be certain who will suffer from some senseless act of bloodshed. And yet it goes on and on and on in this country of ours.

Why? What has violence ever accomplished? What has it ever created? No martyr's cause has ever been stilled by an assassin's bullet.

No wrongs have ever been righted by riots and civil disorders. A sniper is only a coward, not a hero; and an uncontrolled, uncontrollable mob is only the voice of madness, not the voice of reason.

Whenever any American's life is taken by another American unnecessarily - whether it is done in the name of the law or in the defiance of the law, by one man or a gang, in cold blood or in passion, in an attack of violence or in response to violence - whenever we tear at the fabric of the life which another man has painfully and clumsily woven for himself and his children, the whole nation is degraded.

"Among free men," said Abraham Lincoln, "there can be no successful appeal from the ballot to the bullet; and those who take such appeal are sure to lose their cause and pay the costs."

Yet we seemingly tolerate a rising level of violence that ignores our common humanity and our claims to civilization alike. We calmly accept newspaper reports of civilian slaughter in far-off lands. We glorify killing on movie and television screens and call it entertainment. We make it easy for men of all shades of sanity to acquire whatever weapons and ammunition they desire.

Too often we honor swagger and bluster and wielders of force; too often we excuse those who are willing to build their own lives on the shattered dreams of others. Some Americans who preach non-violence abroad fail to practice it here at home. Some who accuse others of inciting riots have by their own conduct invited them.

Some look for scapegoats, others look for conspiracies, but this much is clear: violence breeds violence, repression brings retaliation, and only a cleansing of our whole society can remove this sickness from our soul.

For there is another kind of violence, slower but just as deadly destructive as the shot or the bomb in the night. This is the violence of institutions; indifference and inaction and slow decay. This is the violence that afflicts the poor, that poisons relations between men because their skin has different colors. This is the slow destruction of a child by hunger, and schools without books and homes without heat in the winter.

This is the breaking of a man's spirit by denying him the chance to stand as a father and as a man among other men. And this too afflicts us all.

I have not come here to propose a set of specific remedies nor is there a single set. For a broad and adequate outline we know what must be done. When you teach a man to hate and fear his brother, when you teach that he is a lesser man because of his color or his beliefs or the policies he pursues, when you teach that those who differ from you threaten your freedom or your job or your family, then you also learn to confront others not as fellow citizens but as enemies, to be met not with cooperation but with conquest; to be subjugated and mastered.

We learn, at the last, to look at our brothers as aliens, men with whom we share a city, but not a community; men bound to us in common dwelling, but not in common effort. We learn to share only a common fear, only a common desire to retreat from each other, only a common impulse to meet disagreement with force. For all this, there are no final answers.

Yet we know what we must do. It is to achieve true justice among our fellow citizens. The question is not what programs we should seek to enact. The question is whether we can find in our own midst and in our own hearts that leadership of humane purpose that will recognize the terrible truths of our existence.

We must admit the vanity of our false distinctions among men and learn to find our own advancement in the search for the advancement of others. We must admit in ourselves that our own children's future cannot be built on the misfortunes of others. We must recognize that this short life can neither be ennobled or enriched by hatred or revenge.

Our lives on this planet are too short and the work to be done too great to let this spirit flourish any longer in our land. Of course we cannot vanquish it with a program, nor with a resolution.

But we can perhaps remember, if only for a time, that those who live with us are our brothers, that they share with us the same short moment of life; that they seek, as do we, nothing but the chance to live out their lives in purpose and in happiness, winning what satisfaction and fulfillment they can.

Surely, this bond of common faith, this bond of common goal, can begin to teach us something. Surely, we can learn, at least, to look at those around us as fellow men, and surely we can begin to work a little harder to bind up the wounds among us and to become in our own hearts brothers and countrymen once again."

2.22.2010

Feel how you feel with the understanding that hope is what gets you through


I'm reading Brennen Mannings book "Souvenirs of Solitude". He quotes someone in the book and says that we must learn to trust the Lord in our suffering...not this "PollyAnna optimism"B.S., but seriously and serenely trusting.
" Our hope, our acceptance to the Lords invitation is not based on the idea that we are going to be free of pain and suffering. Rather, it is based on the firm conviction that we will triumph over suffering...this is not the kind of hope that yields to discouragement, defeat, and frustration. On the contrary, Christian hope stands firm and serene, confident even in the face of the Holocaust, even in the face of terminal cancer. However serious we believe Good Friday is, we are confident that Easter Sunday lies ahead of us. What if we die? Jesus died too; and if Jesus died, we believe that now He lives and we shall live too."
What did it look like to trust the Lord and his goodness while staring the Holocaust in the face? What does it look like to trust the Lord while being a hostage of the sex trafficking industry?
When I think of things that are so large scale (The Holocaust, Sex Slavery etc) my petty troubles seem so very insignificant. But for many people, life is not full of Holocausts and literal slavery BUT our seemingly trivial in comparison sufferings do matter. It may be a death in the family, it may be a broken heart, a really hard friendship, a divorce, emotional confusion etc.... I'm learning that the Lord doesn't look at my hurts and troubles and say "Gah.. suck it up Caroline... you have it easy". Anything that hurts my heart hurts his, anything that makes me cry makes him well up with the urge to comfort me. Yes, I should be thankful for the mercies and grace that I am given and don't deserve but it doesn't mean that I shouldn't feel how I feel and be real and honest about what hurts, what sucks, what makes me sad etc. How awesome that we have the freedom to feel how we feel. How awesome that our God is trustworthy and that he cares about people that the world calls insignificant.

2.02.2010

Unless the Lord builds the house...


Lately I have been learning a lot about working to fills needs vs meeting needs only when the Spirit directs me. Someone brought to my attention a few weeks ago that when Jesus walked the earth he did not heal every sick person. Jesus did not feed every hungry human, he did not meet every need. I find my self so quickly agreeing to anything and everything that is asked of me only to be dissatisfied, burned out, and spent. It began to occur to me that even if something is good and needs to be done, it doesn't necessarily mean that it's my job to do it. When I attempt to meet a need that is not mine to meet I am stealing the opportunity for someone who IS called to use their gifts to glorify the Lord. I can't be in every Bible study, I can't read every book, I can't pray with every friend for hours every night, I can't be on every team or join every volunteer group. I am trying to learn how to distinguish between the "want to" and the spirit's promptings. I don't think I have a problem saying no when I don't want to do something but I do have a problem saying no when I want to do it all.


"Unless the Lord builds the house, they labor in vain who build it. Unless the Lord guards the city, the watchmen stays awake in vain."
Psalm 127:1

I don't want to build houses that the Lord isn't building with me. I don't want to labor in vain. I want to do things that matter, things that I am called to do. I can build one hundred churches, feed one thousand people, and cure cancer but if the Lord does not lead me to do it then it's all meaningless in the end.

1.23.2010

do wild things always run?



They say, "Don't try to tame a wild thing"
.... I think I may be a wild thing.

The caged feeling comes all too quickly.
I am getting tired of being a "wild thing".

Is it possible to ever be tamed without losing the feeling of freedom?
I think so.... but I don't have the slightest idea of what that's like.

Natural Submission maybe?
Something so right that I don't even notice when its happening.
Maybe I will wake up one day, realize that it's happened,
And love it completely.

1.05.2010

Work

I had a conversation about work last night.
not my work per say... just work in general.
How many people are doing there dream job?
Not many.
I don't know that work was ever intended to be anyone's dream.
Obviously some people like what they do a lot more than others...and I suppose some people really do have their dream job, but who says your occupation has to be what you do?
When I graduate I plan on doing lots of things that I love....while my job may be simply what pays the bills.

This morning I was talking to God and decided to read Ecclesiastes 3 and I found that the Lord has a lot to say about work...

"What gain has the worker from his toil? I have seen the business that God has given to the children of man to be busy with. He has made everything beautiful in its time. Also, he has put eternity into man's heart, yet so that he cannot find out what God has done from the beginning to the end. I perceived that there is nothing better for them than to be joyful and to do good as long as they live; also that everyone should eat and drink and take pleasure in all his toil- this is Gods gift to man. I perceived that whatever God does endures forever; nothing can be added to it, nor anything taken from it. God has done it, so that people fear before him. That which is, already has been; that which is to be, already has been; and God seeks what has been driven away. Moreover, I saw under the sun that in the place of justice, even there is wickedness and in the place of righteousness, even there was wickedness. I said in my heart, God will judge the righteous and the wicked, for there is a time for every matter and for every work. I said in my heart with regard to the children of man that God is testing them that they may see that they themselves are but beasts. For what happens to the children of man and what happens to the children of beasts is the same; as one dies, so dies the other. They all have the same breath, and man has no advantage over the beasts. For all is vanity. All go to one place. All are from the dust, and to the dust all return. Who knows whether the spirit of man goes upward and the spirit of the beast foes down into the earth? So I saw that there is nothing better than that a man should rejoice in his work, for that is his lot. Who can bring him to see what will be after him?"

12.16.2009

The Happy List



1. 501 Arthur Restaurant- Restaurant owners who make an effort to help the people in the community where their business is located. (P.S. I licked my plate last night because the food was so good and the owner and his family saw me and thought it was hilarious. ..haha oops)
2. The song "You don't know me" -Ben Folds ft. Regina Spektor
3. Plum Pudding scented candles
4. Winning concert tickets on the Radio
5. Modpodge and old book pages
6. The lime-fig perfume at Bliss
7. Empty frames from the Salvage Yard
8. Going to Remedy to get a muffin and a glass of milk
9. Freckled Faces
10. Hot Chocolate and Baileys
11. Anne of Green Gables

12.04.2009

Nice to meet you, heart of mine.

It is a strange thing to be awakened to one's own heart.
I thought I knew it all along.

Everyone says the heart is deceiving but I never realized to what magnitude.

Sometimes it is incredibly hard to get to know oneself.
I can't exactly go get coffee with my mind and ask it what it thinks of things.
I can't call my mind on the phone and coerce it into spilling it's philosophies, its feelings, it's emotions.

So I am faced with the opportunity, the privilege (considering the fact that I believe myself to be made in the likeness of The Lord), of getting re-aquainted with myself, without the faintest idea of how to go about it.

Anyone care to shed any light?

11.13.2009

I am a walking garbage can....caution: hold your nose


This week I have had an influx of self discovery.
1. I am filthy. A sinner to the core. And I don't deserve grace.
2. It's okay that I don't have it all together.
3. Trying to be/look like a "good Christian" is futile.
4. It's not okay to generalize my sin and hide behind grace.
5. My pride and arrogance could easily be the death of me if they are not kept in check.

The good news is.....my Redeemer lives.