Spring Cleaning

I might not be the most creative person to grace the earth
but I like to create.
I may never win a beauty contest
but I think my freckles are pretty darn cute.
It's possible that I will never be a straight A student
But I crave knowledge.
Half the battle of life is learning to like yourself but not priding yourself in it.


I was realizing today how different I act around certain people. It's really strange but it's the people that seem to really be able to read me that make me the most nervous. Sometimes people I have only hung out with a few times make me feel embarrassingly vulnerable. And as a result I tend to shut down really quickly and revert to this awkward, vague, barely talking disposition. I wonder why I do that. I would really love to figure out how to change that. I was also noticing that I have this huge problem with admitting that things hurt me. When I think about my past I just remember feeling like I couldn't be visibly upset about things people said or did to me or it showed that I was weak. I have no idea how I came to believe that. And when I really think about it, I know that it's ludicrous. What is strange about it is that I have no problem talking about my personal struggles, when I am having a terrible day, feel really alone, or am frustrated.. because they are all things that don't necessarily involve other people. I think maybe it's just this fear of admitting that my emotions are indeed swayed by others, that I'm not as in control as I would like to be...which I hate admitting. I would love to think that I don't care what people think about me at all.. but the reality of it is that I have to unlearn some really prideful habits and accept a large dose of humility.


"I guess I'm slave to the spirit
Of needing to create and give birth"
-Brooke Waggoner